Salty Motherfucker
Bringing the pain

Real Name

Dwayne Fitzpatrick


Salty Motherfucker


Sageworthy Society





Specialized against

Captain Skinless

A specialist member of the Sageworthy Society.


Once the CEO of Sutton Salt, a major salt producer for the entire world, until one day The Penguin of Doom used her reality altering powers to retcon that away. For shits and giggles.

Dwayne was not able to get his job as the CEO back and was forced to take up a job in the plant where the salt was produced. He became very depressed during this time, as he was the only person who remembered his life as CEO, but couldn't remember who ruined it.

To make matters worse one night Dwayne was working late, overseeing a large container of salt being filled, he heard a crash. From behind him Captain Skinless suddenly flew through a window and crashed into him during a fight with, coincidentally, The Penguin of Doom. When Captain Skinless bumped into him Dwayne fell straight into the container of salt, contaminating the entire shipment. Captain Skinless, however, was in too much pain to notice this and didn't rescue him. When Dwayne finally got out, he found that his boss was watching him. Dwayne tried to explain that it was Captain Skinless' fault, but his boss would not accept it and Dwayne was fired.

When he arrived at his shitty apartment, something in his mind snapped. He wanted revenge. Twice his life had been ruined, but this time he knew who was responsible. Vowing to kill Captain Skinless, he combined his vast knowledge of all salt-based fields with his basic degree in SCIENCE! to create the Salt-Suit, a full-bodied suit coated in salt. Along with the suit, he created the Salt-Wand, a SCIENCE! wand that can create clouds of powdered salt. As a reminder of his days as CEO, Dwayne made sure he was always equipped with a fancy cigar that he would use to stab Captain Skinless' eyes.

During his first fight with Captain Skinless, onlookers gathered around. When one, a particularly urban fellow, noticed Dwayne's salt-based powers, he yelled out "DAMN, THAT'S ONE SALTY MOTHERFUCKER!" and thus Dwayne's new identity was given a name. For some reason, whenever Salty Motherfucker makes his presence known, this urban man is there to yell out his signature phrase.

Captain Skinless has no clue why Salty Motherfucker wants him dead.


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