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The on-going logs of Cookie, Kay-2, PinaPlus, Inva, Bli*thip*, and other guests during their time exploring the stars.

First VoyageEdit

DepartureEdit

>PinaPlus version 2.0 activation log
>Star Date: Instillation
>Initializing craft system checks
>Life support systems
>Downloading system drivers
>OK
>Propulsion systems
>Downloading system drivers
>OK
>Attitude control systems
>Downloading system drivers
>OK
>Thermal shielding safety systems
>Downloading system drivers
>OK
>Data control interface systems
>OK
>Climate control systems
>OK
>Artificial gravity systems
>Downloading system drivers
>OK
>Security systems
>Processing
>Downloading sub-drivers SEC-CO-15 through SEC-CO-150
>OK
>Ship designation: The Pineapple Cake
>Vehicle classification: 5.1.2 - Personal interstellar FTL space craft
>Wait, space craft?
>I'm supposed to be installed on a yacht!

>Cookie's log
>Star Date: First day aboard the Pineapple Cake.

I'm still trying to get used to this new hat. It's smaller and black. I don't think it makes me immediately recognizable as a chef, but Kay-2 insisted that I wear it. Something about how my modifications to a spacesuit to make the helmet cone shaped would never work. Though I guess she does have a point with something like that making getting through doors a lot harder.

Booted up the ship's A.I. for the first time today too. It went through all the system checks and then asked me

>"This isn't a yacht, is it?"

Well a yacht is a ship and this is a spaceship, so... maybe? It did not seem too happy after that so I reconfigured the A.I. display to match up with the ship's theme. It looks good as a pineapple slice. PinaPlus didn't talk too much after that so I guess it's happy now.

I thought all ships were girls, but I really can't tell with its current voice. I'll have to mess around with it some more later.


>Kay-2's log
>Star Date: The day we departed from Earth

So Cookie gave me this recorder and told me that we should both keep space logs. When I asked him why, he just told me it's just something people in space are supposed to do. Must be another of those things his dad taught him. His whole reason for doing this in the first place is, and I quote:

"We're lucky to live in a future setting where most of Earth's problems have been pretty much resolved, so since we can't be superheroes, we should be space explores! And maybe do some space hero work on the side."

Maybe he feels like he has some kind of expectations to live up to, or maybe he just wants to eat alien food.

I'm only going on this exploration mission to try and keep him out of trouble.


>Kay-2's log
>Star Date: 4 days since departure

I caught Cookie trying to convince the ship's A.I. to increase the gravity in certain rooms. He said he wanted to try training in ten times Earth's gravity. I grew up with Cookie, we've been in high gravity situations together before, we both know this is not something that works. He thought that it could work now since we're in space and not on Earth. It took me almost an hour to finally convince him that it would just give us heart attacks.

I hope Cookie's common sense will kick back in after the novelty of "We're in space!" wears off.


Unspecified transcript.

"Cookie, I've never seen that hat before."
"You know Fat Guy, right? My dad's best bud from way back. When I told him I was going to space he sat me down and pointed a gun at me."
"What the hell?"
"Yeah that's what I said. He has this huge gun against my forehead, reaches into his bag of holding, pulls out this hat and puts it on. He said 'Listen carefully'."
Cookie looks out at the stars, a gleam in his eyes.
"Well, what did he say?"
"He told me, in an hour long speech, what it means to be human, and what our birthright is. We are the dawn, we are the hammer, we are the only right that matters in an uncaring universe. I can't do his words justice, but I can live by them."
"Sounds heavy."
"It was, I was weeping at the end. He asked if I understood. I said in I did in body, mind and soul. He unceremoniously put the hand cannon away and gave me his cap."
Cookie goes back to cooking, like nothing had just occurred.
"So is the hat some sort of symbol or-"
"The hats a hat. If you ever see me put it on I'm going to shoot some xenos. Try not to look green and bug-eyed when I do."
...
"Pass the salt and praise humanity."

/co/ntainment base on Mars/DOOM logs currently unavailable

First contactEdit

>Kay-2's log
>Star Date: 12 days since departure

According to these navigational star charts we should be nearing a trade route. That's quite a bit sooner than I expected to start encountering anyone out here. Hopefully our first contact will at least be neutral. We really need to get some updated charts since ours aren't very inclusive on anything too far outside of where humans have gone before and even then a lot is missing.


Unspecified transcript.

"LISTEN CLOSELY, WHEN BOILING MAKE SURE YOU HAVE AT LEAST (half gravity) OR THE BROTH WILL SEPARATE FROM THE NOODLES."
"Cookie, what the hell did you do to make them yell at you?"
"Nothing, they have one gear in their voice box."
"HEY, I SAID LISTEN."
"OKAY."

>Cookie's log
>Star Date: 12 days since we left home

First encounter! Aliens with big red hats! Like really big hats. Super tall red hats. They looked religious and remind me of the cultists one of my uncles is always talking about. Space cultists? Not important. What IS important is today I learned that anything spicier than 2-alarm chili is banned for trade in most of the known civilized areas of the galaxy. Turns out capsaicinoids do bad things to species that don't have it growing locally. Much worse things than it does to anything living on Earth anyway. Which is why there are alien trade routes for it in areas designated as "human space" since we don't bother them about it. They don't like having to make all the twisting detours to get from their suppliers to their processing labs, but they appreciate that there are other sentient species out there who share in their love of spicy foods.

After showing off our techniques in person we got to trading recipes and ingredients. Though all of it is in their language and it'll take a while to translate. Kay-2 also got the star charts she wanted out of the deal.

IdlenessEdit

>Kay-2's log
>Star Date: XX.XXX.XX, Thursday I think.

Yesterday was hell. For the time being we're stuck in a jelly nebula, so might as well record how we got here. God damn how is the holopad even sticky? Anyways-


>Cookie's personal log
>Star date: Movie night

Has anyone ever taken the time to look at a piece of popcorn? And I mean really look at one instead of just stuffing a handful of them into your mouth. Each one of them is different, there are no two identical pieces of popped corn. Even if you replicate the same kernel, they still pop differently. It's kind of like snowflakes, only without all of the baggage that term comes with when applied to anything other than snowflakes. But they all still have pieces of the hull stuck in them somewhere. Creating a truly hulless popcorn has vexed mankind for generations, maybe something out here, in the infinite vastness of space, will finally give me a solution to this problem. Maybe, if I could-

["Cookie? What's taking you so long with the popcorn? I'm gonna start the movie soon."]
["Sorry, you know I always get introspective when you're going to play an art house or science movie. I'll be right out."]

But my research will have to wait for another day.


>Cookie's log
>Star Date: 48 days since we left home

So PinaPlus finally got the star charts and nav stuff we got from that trader vessel translated. Turns out there are a LOT of inhabited planets around this area. We also learned there was some kind of galactic federation or something that rates planets. They range from death worlds to paradise worlds. By the looks of this I'd say they use the planet's mass to gravity ratio, flora, and fauna as the main determining factors. Funny how Earth is rated a type-1 death world. A type-1 death world means the planet has higher gravity than it's supposed to have and a lot of things trying to kill everything else on it, but they're still habitable and open to have visitors provided safety protocols are followed. Looks like they range from type-1 to type-5, so there are SUPER death worlds out there. Neat.

We're currently near a type-1 paradise world though. It's a little bigger than Earth, but the gravity is less. We're going to check that out later.


>Cookie's log
>Star Date: 50 days since we left home

We touched down after PinaPlus was done going through all the checking protocols, something about not introducing foreign contaminate. We only needed some face breathers instead of full spacesuits this time at least.

Being in lighter gravity always make me feel like a superhero, keeping the ship's artificial gravity at Earth levels is what makes these moments special.

Today we finally got to meet some aliens on their home planet. The natives are spindly medium sized things, sort of like a spider crab, except with a face full of tentacles. Looks like they've had plenty of contact with visitors before. There are also these really big trees everywhere, about sky scrapper size. So the natives make their homes under these trees and just wait for the fruit to fall down to them. I guess they evolved like this since some spend their entire lives sitting at the base of these trees, not moving until the fruit falls. Maybe they have more in common with sloths. So these tentacles are totally specialized for picking out seeds and peeling the skin... I think. Like having a hand for your mouth. I can think of a few things these fruits might go good with already.

I hear some other groups climb the trees, so that's worth checking out. One really great thing about them is how far they can spit the seeds.

The Colony and meeting InvaEdit

>Kay-2's log
>Star Date: 60 days since departure

We're finally heading back to Earth. Standard procedure, every 60 days we return home to drop off any samples we've collected and re-stock on anything we need. I'll be glad to get a breather finally. There's just one small issue... there's a type-2 death world directly en-route from our current location to home. And it's a colony world.

Apparently some rich business people immediately set about trying to terraform worlds as soon as we had FTL travel. Things... didn't turn out well for them. There weren't any major incidents, but it was largely a failure and the whole thing was semi-covered up out of embarrassment or a tax write-off. The whole planet is pretty barren and there are large radiation zones. Cities are set up with surprisingly stable populations in the safe zones though. Cookie wants to go down there and check it out... normally I'd try to talk him out of it, but... well, it's a world being terraformed for humans and that's got me curious. Plus there's some pretty good contracts that we could pick up down there since we're already headed back to Earth.

I hope I won't regret this.


>Cookie's log
>Star Date: 60 days since we left home

It's been two months already? Really? Guess we should drop off some of the stuff we've collected. But first... the colony world calls to me. I need to see what they're doing down there. What things unknown to Earth they've cooked up, and also to see if any of them are home sick. I bet I can cheer them up if they are. There's also a tunnel ring orbiting this planet and the Pineapple Cake just so happens to have full clearance to use it. That little side trip to Mars is about to pay off big time.

>Cookie's log supplementary

OK, so the ring is busted. Not a problem though. Kay-2 found us a contracting gig of getting the parts from the planet to the ring. I'm gonna cook her favorites tonight.

The planet itself is like a big ball of dust. Dust ball planet. At least the people are nice enough. Most of them actually want to be there as long as the safe zones stay safe. There's some kind of funky radiation on the planet giving some people mutations. There's a 99% survival rate and a 40% mutation rate for anyone living outside of the safe zones. There's also some aliens. Today I learned that there are indeed blue elves in space. How did that cousin of mine know this?


>PinaPlus' log
Neo-Australia

Neo-Australia

>Star Date: Sixty standard Earth cycles into voyage
>Supplementary information: Planet Neo-Australia
>Human colony world
>Gravity: 10.27 m/s^2 (1.05 x earth)
>Rotation: 50.21 hours
>Surface water: 27%
>Surface ice: 16%
>Atmospheric composition: Thin, but breathable at 80.7% argon, 18.7% oxygen, 0.6% carbon dioxide, and trace other gases
>Population: Approximately 139,675
>The planet was named such due to the arid environment surrounding the larger settlements. Large levels of radiation near coastal areas forced all permanent settlements inland. Technological levels appears to have regressed to heavy reliance on diesel fuel engines. Further data retrieval indicates the primary fuel source used planet-side are watermelons.
>Wait, what? That makes zero sense. Is this an information archive open to public editing? Watermelons? Really?
>...
>Radioactive... watermelons.
>Humans continue to confound me in unexpected ways.

>Kay-2's log
>Star Date: 61 days since departure

It was supposed to be a simple contract. Get the parts from the planet up to the satellite. And it was. Just one complication though, we now have a new crewmate. A blue-spal-vant? This is a really cliched looking alien to encounter. Cookie will be ecstatic regardless. For some reason he thought we'd have amassed a much larger crew by now. I think he just wants to experiment with alien dishes more.

What was she even doing on a human colony world? We still have two days before all the calibrating will be done. Two days to take in whatever this planet has to offer. Two days to decide if this "Inva Raleadra" is a threat or not.


>Cookie's log
>Star Date: 61 days since we left home

It finally happened! We have an alien crewmate now! As part of the contract Kay-2 took on, that blue space elf lady will be traveling with us for a while. There's still background checks and stuff to do, but I'm sure that'll all be fine. I've already asked PinaPlus to bring up everything on Bluspalven dietary needs and culinary dishes. I'm going to try to replicate some of these flavors with what I have on hand in the Pineapple Cake's food locker. Seems like most of their foods have higher levels of copper in them than ours. Not a lot of meats listed either.

>Cookie's log supplementary

Hmmm... She didn't seem to like any of it. She looked at it, but didn't try any of it. According to the data we have on Bluspalvens, their sense of taste looks like it is remarkable similar to ours. Kay-2 said it tasted great. Maybe the aesthetics were off? Well, no sense letting it get to me, I'll have plenty more chances.


See The Inva Chronicles for her time before this.
1397445702205
>Inva Raleadra's log
>Star Date: How am I supposed to know how these guys keep track of time?

So what? I just push this and it records what I say? Seems pretty stupid, must be a human thing. So I finally get a lift off this rock and the captain (pretty sure he's the captain) cooks all this food from my home world. How does he even know how to do that? Doesn't matter, I'm not touching any of that high class fru-fru crap from back home. I did find something interesting in their kitchen though. Some kind of already prepared, eat it on the go thing in a can. What the shaznats is this guy doing wasting his time cooking that junk from my home world?! These humans must be at the height of their civilization to have something like this lying around! Then the girl human sees me eating it and gets pissed. So she hands me this thing and tells me to keep a log or she'll throw me out the airlock.

I can respect that.

I wonder if I can use anything on this ship to fix my bike.


>PinaPlus' log
>Star Date: Sixty-one standard Earth cycles into voyage
>New occupant
>Name: Inva Raleadra
>Species: Bluspalven
>Gender: Female
>Sensors indicate internal safety panel breach in living quarters designated to Inva Raleadra
>Transcript from 19:09 ship standard time:
"You have removed an internal safety panel from your quarters, please return it."
"The ship can talk? Human tech is more advanced than I thought."
"Please return the panel, it is in violation of safety protocol."
"I don't give a shit about safety, I need parts to fix my bike."
1394835424740

Inva's bike

"Your behavior is non-conducive to Bluspalven data on record. Do you require medical aid?"
"What do you know about Bluspalvens?!"
"Bluspalvens - A space faring race known for having calm dispositions and non-aggressive behavior. Your behavior varies from my data."
"Crap, the ship knows..."
[Blackmail sub-system initiated]
"Information on the Bluspalven race is currently incomplete in this system... shall I upload all data to the public records?"
"NO, no, no no-no. I worked hard to build up my reputation on this planet, I'm not having you ruin that for me!"
"Please return the panel, it is in violation of safety protocol."
"Fine, but you better not tell those two about this."
>Transcript ended
>The circumstances as to why my programmers thought to include a blackmail executable in my databanks are not recorded.
>Human foresight is remarkable.

>Kay-2's log
>Star Date: 62 days since departure
1372620809585

Convoy escort

We're down on the planet today. Looks like we'll be here two days longer than I thought since the standard day here is about 50 hours long. Inva showed us around the major colony city. I don't think she spent much time here since she was about as lost as we were. At least all the infrastructure looks well maintained even if it is dated. Had to stop Cookie from getting on some kind of armored transport that was headed out to the irradiated areas. I don't care if that's where some kind of special crop is grown, I'm not dealing with decontaminating him. Again.

Inva seems to have a contradicting reputation around here. The people who manage the convoy routes speak highly of her, or at least I think that's what they're saying. One who had a mutated arm said she was dependable enough in a fight, but the local government has a number of complaints registered about her. They vary from civic disturbances to obstruction of justice. The local kids seem to like her though.

I'll have to keep looking into this.


>Cookie's log
>Star Date: 66 days since we left home

Well this colony planet has been a lot of fun, even if I didn't get to see the areas where the really crazy stuff happens. Kay-2 worries too much sometimes. If I was still trying to get super powers there are hundreds of less dangerous ways to get them in this day and age, even if all those ways are pretty boring comparatively.

At least I got some samples of those power plants, Aunt Springtime will probably want to look at them. We'll be returning here in a few days anyway since there's this one area not too terribly far away that I want to have a look at. I hear most of this spiral arm one over is uncharted territory, or at least less charted based on the look of the maps we have.

>Cookie's log supplementary

Wow! Those quantum tunnels really are instant. Back to Mars in no time at all when it took us 2 months to get out this far traveling at... at... hmm... I'm not really sure how fast we were traveling most of the time, but I'm pretty sure it was really fast. No warp tunnel effect or stretchy stars or anything when we made the jump though.

...

I was kinda looking forward to that to be honest.

HomecomingEdit

>PinaPlus' log
>Star Date: Sixty-eight standard Earth cycles since initial departure
>Inhabitant observation journal
>Sub-routines to monitor occupant activities initialized
>Non-invasive monitoring has been authorized for better customization of occupant needs and to devise algorithms to anticipate future needs.
>05:00 Floating Island Standard Time (FIST)
>As per the captain's instructions I have notified him of our successful docking in hangar 47-C
>Instructed to allow remaining occupants to continue sleep-defrag sequence undisturbed.
>Samples collected during voyage currently being processed by customs.
>05:13 FIST
>Captain Cookie has exited the vessel and appears to be heading towards the surface.
>Patching into Floating Island Security Network
>Level-2 access authorized.
>05:37 FIST
>Captain Cookie has arrived at biological contributors' place of residence and gained entry.
>06:15 FIST
>Captain Cookie has exited the premises.
>Monitoring shall continue.
>06:39 FIST
>Captain Cookie has initiated conversation with unknown individual in storage area 1-B of hanger 48A.
>7:00 FIST
>Captain Cookie has returned aboard and begun preparing the morning meal.
>Occupants Kay-2 and Inva have awakened.
>Transcript from 07:18 FIST:
Cookie: "Mornin' Kay-2, mornin' Inva, we've got a big day planned, so I made plenty!"
Kay-2: "Thanks Cookie... they're all big days though."
Inva: "Where are we again?"
Cookie: "Our home town: Co Floating Island, a city on a space platform."
Inva: "Floating island? Sounds like some old legend about a sky king I heard on another colony world."
Kay-2: "Sky king, huh? Sounds interesting."
Inva: "Yeah, it's about a king who was at war with the land itself, so he decided to take his kingdom and make it airborne, that way the land wouldn't be able to take it from him. Then he starting winning the war and became a legend after he-"
Cookie: "Heads up! You'll need to wear this badge while you're here."
Inva: "No I don't."
Cookie: "Well, I guess you don't HAVE to, but unless you want to get hounded by every super in town asking if you're a hostile space invader, I'd recommend it."
Inva: "These 'supers,' what are they again?
Kay-2: "People who can lift mountains, move faster than thought, shoot lasers out of their bodies, regenerate instantly, etc. etc."
Cookie: "Yeah, lots of other stuff too. Kay-2's mom is one of them."
Inva: "... I'll wear the badge."
>Transcript ended
>Amusing, and useful.
>Negotiation algorithms will be updated during the next scheduled downtime.
>7:45 FIST
>Occupants have exited the vessel.
>Captain Cookie and Kay-2 appear to be giving Inva a tour of the city.
>13:30 FIST
>Their tour has been concluded upon completion of the midday meal at Captain Cookie's biological contributors' establishment.
>Inva has begun independent exploration.
>Kay-2 is being lead into the SCI-FI district by her biological contributors.
>Captain Cookie is re-visiting hanger 48A where some modifications to one storage unit have taken place.
>13:50 FIST
>Inva has located an information port and ceased her movements.
>Unable to monitor data she is accessing due to privacy protocols.
>14:40 FIST
>Captain Cookie has issued an immediate gathering of all Pineapple Cake personnel on his location.
>Kay-2 en route to hanger 48A, Inva remains stationary, repeating message with blackmail executable modifications.
>Inva is en route to hanger 48A.
>14:55 FIST
>Inva and Kay-2 have arrived at the specified location.
>Transcript of unknown individual from this morning addressed to them over local PA system:
Unknown: "Looks like the kid wasn't bluffing after all. Greetings ladies! As you may or may not know, I am holding your precious captain hostage, as well as yourselves! This entire hanger is now under my control and you are my prisoners!"
Kay-2: "Well this is stupid, but given where we are, I can believe it."
Inva: "Finally, something to fight."
Unknown: "Ha! That's the spirit! Let's see if you've got what it takes to save him!"
Kay-2: "PinaPlus, are you still in contact? Notify some authorities and then access the public blueprints for this hanger."
PinaPlus: "Blueprints uploaded to com device with included modifications from this morning."
Kay-2: "Great, another trap house. I got enough of these in training, OK Inva, the best way to-"
PinaPlus: "Inva has already proceeded inside storage area 1-B where robot drones have been dispatched by unknown individual."
Kay-2: "Hey!"
>Transcript ended
>Kay-2 and Inva proceed into trap house
>Their combined combat prowess is rather remarkable.
>Combat schematics located for future project.
>Kay-2 has allowed herself to be captured to locate Captain Cookie
>Transcript from 15:17 FIST:
Kay-2: "Are you kidding me?"
Cookie: "Nope, already took care of it. As soon as Inva wraps things up with this room we'll leave."
Kay-2: "How though?"
Cookie: "I'm not helpless."
>Inva located the core of the villains stronghold.
>Transcript from 15:23 FIST:
Unknown: "Very good, elf. Now, a choice: either leave with your friends... Or the contents of this big, heavy gun case."
Inva: "THE CASE! THE CASE!"
Kay-2: "No! Us!"
WHAM
Inva: "No! You'll break it! Be careful! You'll hurt my new baby! What do you mean it's empty?"
Kay-2: "Unbelievable, let's go back to the ship."
Cookie: (whispering) "Sorry about that O.G.W.D., I didn't expect my trust building exercise to have gone this way."
Unknown: "S'alright Kid, this is nothing. That's one hell of a woman though."
Cookie: "Heh, yeah."
Kay-2: "Cookie, you coming or what?"
Inva: "Hey guys! What's an 'elf'?"
>Transcript ended.
>Human subterfuge requires additional processing.
>Concluding active inhabitant observation journal for this cycle.

>Inva Raleadra's log
>Star Date: 68 FISTs

I think I've figured this out. These humans keep track of time by yelling FIST. That's much more interesting than the base-12 clocks I saw before on their colony. Also interesting is that there's some race living on this planet that looks like me. I don't know if I want to look into that or not. The couple (?) that I'm traveling with right now seem have one of the few unrestricted space permits issued on this planet. I don't need to end up stranded here by going down to the planet and losing them. At least this captain knows how to have a good time with shooting and blowing things up, I know I won't get bored around these two.

Spice MoonEdit

>Kay-2's log
>Star Date: 73.1352 PCD

Now that Inva has finished collecting the rest of her belongings from Neo-Australia, we're off to some moon base or something Cookie wants to check out. Apparently it's where those spice traders we met have their labs. I think Cookie is working on something new right now though. I guess he's finally working with those spices we got now that the alien recipes are fully translated.

...

I think I'll let Inva sample it first this time. Just to be on the safe side.


>Cookie's log
1402025892300 cosmic brownie shake
>Star Date: 73.1517 PCD

I think I've finally done it. I've finally cracked the mystery of this "OverSpice 42.1138" we got from the spice culties. It goes through nuclear decay as it "ripens". Once that finishes it stabilizes into something that starts off as a minty cinnamon but rolls into an anise paprika as you eat it.

It's been through every test, and now that I'm sure this is safe to eat... I'm gonna put it into a brownie mix!


>Inva Raleadra's log
>Star Date: 73 and something pineapples

I don't know how much longer I have still it hits again. Captain Cookie created something... amazing today. It was the most delectable thing I have ever eaten. He called them his experimental brownies. It was like riding my bike through icy terrain while scorching bandits with las-fire mixed with the sensation of zero-g

...

Why did I have to eat two of them? Now it feels like I-AAAHAHHRRRRHAAHAHA AHHHHHHRRRRGGBBLESS [Heavy breathing] Kay-2 called this my "initiation". I now know what that mean- AAAAAHHHHHGRREEEBLLEEEFFFF [several minutes of screaming later] I fear this is still only the beginning...

("Hey! Are you recording logs in there?")

I FINALLY UNDERSTAND THE PURPOSE OF THESE 'LOGS'! THEY ARE TO DOCUMENT TIMES WHERE YOU NEED TO PASS ON SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO THOSE WHO COME AFTER YOU!

("Your first long-term relationship with the toilet after one of Cookie's experiments gone wrong isn't something you'd normally want to remember.")

THIS IS MY BAPTISM! THE MOMENT WHERE ALL REMNANTS OF THE OLD INVA ARE FINALLY PURGED FROM ME AND THE NEW INVA CAN- AAAHHHEEEEFFFFFFFFFFFFF-AHHHH

("Just drink the milk already!")
>Inva's log supplementary

This 'milk' is truly amazing. Not only has it pacified my system, but it comes in several flavors and colors as well. It also has amusing illustrations on the containers based on the exploits of Earth heroes. With this I feel capable of having a third brownie.


>PinaPlus' log
>Star Date: 74.0210 PCD
>Supplementary information: Planet Over Spice Cultivation 3
>Gravity: 4.47 m/s^2 (0.46 x earth)
>Rotation: 28.67 hours
>Surface water: 80%
>Surface ice: 15%
>Atmospheric composition: 75.7% sulfur dioxide, 24.3% oxygen, trace other gases
>Population: Approximately 4,288
>Information on planetary activities is largely unavailable due to trade secrecy of spice growth.
>Common knowledge in this area indicates the planet was purchased 486 of its orbital cycles ago by the Astarvorans.
>The planet has been rendered temporarily inhospitable due to the meltdown of OverSpice 66.0409.
>Current information on the composition is therefore most likely out of date.
>Full planetary recovery is expected within the next 20 of its orbital cycles.
>Moon Base stationed laboratories were created to prevent any further damage to the planet during the recovery period and to serve as a the new permanent locations of OverSpice stability testing to prevent future cataclysms.
>Astarvoran legend states that they were visited by travelers from another world who shared with them a sauce which is said to have encompassed every flavor of every world in the galaxy. This act of generosity spurred their civilization forward in an attempt to replicate such a substance. This has continued in near-fanatical levels to the the present. Due to several failures in communication, several races were exposed to substances their physiologies were ill equipped to process. This occurred on no less than 437 separate incidents leading to trade bans on most unprocessed substances used in OverSpice creation. As such, Astarvorans have become largely reclusive and selective on which races should receive their findings.
>Captain Cookie has already established friendly trade with the Astarvorans.
>Eighteen hours currently remain until preparations will be completed for a guided tour of Facility OSM-002.

>PinaPlus' log
>Star Date: 74.2030 PCD
>Docking at Astarvoran lunar complex completed.
>Accessing available data.
>The facility offers adequate atmospheric pressure and artificial gravity for human survival.
>Rebreather's will be necessary due to differentiating levels of gases detected in the facility.
>Transcript from 74.2055 PCD:
Cultist tour guide: GREETINGS FELLOW SPICE ENTHUSIASTS! I WELCOME YOU TO OUR CULTIVATION FACILITIES!
Cookie: "Hi!"
Kay-2: "Still as loud as ever."
Inva: "Enthusiasts?"
Cultist tour guide: AH! I CAN TELL THAT YOU HAVE PARTAKEN OF ONE OF THE SPICES RECENTLY!
1400562005055

"The spice must burn your anus!"

Cookie: "Sure have! OverSpice 42.1138, took me awhile to figure out the right way to handle it, but after that I can mix it into anything, no problem."
Kay-2: "Yeah, that brownie mix... sure was something."
Inva: "I had thirds of it."
Cultist tour guide: SPLENDID! SPLENDID! IT IS VERY RARE FOR US TO FIND FELLOW ENTHUSIASTS WHO ARE ALSO SKILLED ENOUGH TO PREPARE GIFTS OF SUCH TEMPERAMENT.
Cookie: "Hope you don't take offense, but our ship advised us to wear this masks while on this tour, different atmospheric needs and all."
Cultist tour guide: A PITY THAT YOU CANNOT INDULGE WITH US THE TANTALIZING FRAGRANCES OF OUR PROGRESS, HOWEVER WE DO HOPE YOU WILL ENJOY THE SAMPLES THROUGHOUT THE TOUR.
Cookie: "Been looking forward to it all day."
Inva: "I'll pass this trial just as I did the last."
Kay-2: "I'm packing enough casein loaded drinks to make sure we make it back to the ship alive."
Cultist tour guide: THEN LET THE TOUR BEGIN!
>Transcript ended.
>Due to security measures monitoring the crew during the tour is non-accessible. Most likely to prevent theft of trade secrets.
>My data shows only a few races and organizations have any interest at all in this research.
>If they come back with only swollen red faces, then this will have been a successful venture for them.
>Or so I would assess based on prior observation data of Captain Cookie's outlook.
>I will remain on standby on the off chance than an emergency crew evac will be necessary.

>Cookie's Log
>Star Date: 75.0110 PCD

Those spice cultists really know how to show off. I saw a lot of nice stuff on that tour. They've got dozens of singled out processing plants for each OverSpice. Usually they're gourd shaped and suspended above huge vat lakes of artificial milk (I think it's milk). That's so they can drop them if things start looking like they're going to melt down. They let us sample pretty much whatever we wanted. I think Inva might actually really like spicy food since she was eager to try them all. Or maybe it's some alien thing and she processes the burn differently. Kay-2 thinks she's just a masochist. Good thing I stocked up on peppers while we were back home. I managed to do some more trading thanks to those. They found the Carolina Reaper to be an amusing novelty. Showing them how to grow some of Earth's peppers in the facility really got them interested though since many of their peppers need a separate facility to be genetically engineered in. So now we have all kinds of new things to show off on our next return trip.

That tour was also long and it is super late. PinaPlus, please set my room's temperature to at least 10 degrees colder than usual. I wonder if I'll still be this red and hot tomorrow. I don't have anything that goes with this shade of red.


>Inva Raleadra's log
>Star Date: 75.0923 PTD (I think that's right?)

Why am I still purple? A question that will have to wait. We're getting close to the border of the "galactic police's" jurisdiction. Bunch of p'tach sucking, horflax wearing, zorg-poskerites. There is no doubt they'll make their presence known today. I'd rather not deal with them in space on such a small ship, can't risk a hull breach in this area. So I've got a plan. And I should probably stop recording my plan now. And also delete this log later. This is starting to become a weird habit.


>Cookie's Log
>Star Date: 75.1622 PCD

Met some guys calling themselves the Galactic Peace Keepers today. Or at least that's the approximate translation I found. They hailed us a little before lunch wanting to know if they could board and have a look around. Well who am I to turn someone away during lunch? I think they were looking for someone at first, but then Inva came out wearing a dress and talking in a fancy sounding dialect. She's still purple from the spice so maybe this is another alien thing. Though after that we all sat down and had a good chat about this area of space. Apparently all ships approaching the border of the peace keeper's jurisdiction are contacted to make sure they know what they're doing. Guess we're finally reaching some real frontier space. When they brought up the spice cultists, Inva had a great suggestion to let them try the brownies and see for themselves that it's harmless. I made sure they all had milk just to be safe. They all seemed to love it and became much more pleasant after lunch, then wished us luck as they left.

I'm still concerned about Inva though. Maybe she's not getting enough copper in her diet.


>Inva's log supplementary

That worked better than I could've imagined. Captain Cookie's friendly nature is like a weapon to disarm suspicion. And I also managed to switch out one of those gifelte "peace keeper's" milk. They'll be telling horror stories about this throughout their ranks soon enough. And I'm recording a confession once again. What the shaznats is wrong with me today?

I should get Iro hooked up and reactivated to see if I'm losing it or not.


>GPK Bulletin, forty-seventh sector, beta threat entity

Add the liquid concoction 'cosmic brownie shake' to the banned recipe list, and arrest anyone who makes it under statute twelve of the chemical warfare section. The ship Pineapple Cake is to be quarantined if located. The captain and chef Cookie "Cutter" Tanner is to be detained until it can be determined if he knowingly poisoned the patrol that passed them.

Hriskan Beesh is well, but is on suicide watch until the toxins have passed. Poor bastiche.

The Teuthoid ArcEdit

Meeting Bli*thip*Edit

>Cookie's Log
>Star Date: 87.1132 PCD

PinaPlus has picked up a distress call not too far away. It seems to be coming from somewhere outside of those peacekeeper guys' jurisdiction. I've set a course to investigate since none of the space goers have anything stationed out there. At least not anything they've got on public record. Well, it's not like I wasn't going to be headed this way anyway. Gotta get over to the next arm of the galaxy somehow and this is as good a place as any to start our way over there.


>Kay-2's Log
>Star Date: 87.1155 PCD

Cookie is set on this rescue mission. No sense even suggesting otherwise since this is one of the ideals we were practically raised on. I'm still taking precautions though. The ship sending the distress call doesn't match up with any of the ships from any of the races that are known to this part of space. It could be a trap and I'm not about to spring it without making sure we have an exit strategy or five prepared. Hopefully it won't have to come to that though.


>PinaPlus' log
>Star Date: 89.1321 PCD
>Contact with a ship of unknown origin has been made
>Identifying alien ship's information matrix
>Matrix identified
>Cross referencing with all known alien species listed in current data banks
>Foreign databank detected
>Accessing
>Access granted
>Cross referencing with all known alien species listed in foreign databank
>Species identified as "Teuthoid"
1397433298136

Your basic Teuthoid

>Configuring translation algorithm
>... ... ... ... ... ... ...
>Algorithm configured using seven other listed alien languages
>Sole occupant of Teuthoid vessel has been successfully evacuated
>Transcript from 89.1412 PCD:
PinaPlus: "Captain, I have successfully constructed a translation algorithm. This species is known as a Teuthoid, they are primarily a non-hostile race."
Teuthoid: "She is your captain?"
PinaPlus: "No, he's the captain. She's... I don't know, a bodyguard?"
Teuthoid: "HE is captain? Truly?"
>The Teuthoid address Kay-2, he appears visibly shocked
Teuthoid: [Incomprehensible]
PinaPlus: "I'm going to need an encore, please?"
>The Teuthoid points to Kay-2
Teuthoid: "A male as captain? Never is such a thing seen on my world."
PinaPlus: "That's not the captain. He's the captain."
>The Teuthoid puts his hands on his head and slumps in a chair
Cookie: "You okay?"
Teuthoid: "The beings of space are more incomprehensible that I had imagined."
Cookie: "... So, do you have a name?"
Teuthoid: "I am assigned as Bli*thip*."
Cookie: "Sooo... can I call you Philly?"
Kay-2: "Why don't we just give Blithip some time to get settled in."
>Transcript ended
>Accessing black box equivalent on board Teuthoid vessel
>Collision with unidentified cloaked object resulted in emergency landing on nearby asteroid
>Necessary precautions will be made to avoid further collisions.
>The odds of an accidental collision with such a vessel are astronomically low.
>The odds of a one-person star-mapping craft being intentionally attacked are equally low.
>If I had any guts, I assume they would be providing me with useful insight right now.
>First rights to the salvage are awarded to the rescuers.
>I can finally get started on that hobby the captain authorized for me.

>Kay-2's Log
>Star Date: 89.1845 PCD

From what I've seen so far there are some big differences between human needs and teuthoid needs. After he got over the initial shock of Cookie being captain, I tried explaining to him that he'd be staying here until we could get him back to wherever he's supposed to be. For some reason Blithip started rearranging everything in the lounge area after hearing that. Was it a translation error?

So I showed him to one of our empty living quarters and told him this is his room. He... didn't know what to make of that. The translations I'm getting sounds like one of our bedrooms is bigger than an entire teuthoid house. He snapped out of it after I showed him one of the smaller storage rooms. So now he's making himself comfortable in a closet.


>Cookie's log
>Star Date: 89.1852 PCD

Seems like our guest is finally settling in now. Based on what PinaPlus was able to gather from the crashed ship, it looks like his diet primarily consists of fish-like animals. Still carbon based. I guess finding silicone based ingredients will remain on the to-do list even if I probably won't be able to eat them anyway.

Back to seeing what Philly eats. It looks like just about everything I have in stock should be digestible for him. I'll try making a little bit of everything just to get an idea of what he likes. Or to see if any of the meats we have are palatable to him.

>Transcript from 89.1935 PCD:
Cookie: "Whatcha doin' in the broom closet buddy?"
Bli*thip*: "Big room, so silent, so alone. Here is warm, less echo, moist. I much prefer here if that is allowed miss- er, mister captain."
Cookie: "Ok, guess we have an extra room again. So are you hungry yet?"
>Transcript ended.
>Cookie's log supplementary.

He eats everything and asks if there's more! Even the super spicy dishes! He actually prefers the OverSpice seasoned food!


>Inva Raleadra's log
>Star Date: 90.0107 PCD

We have been out here in the middle of nowhere for days now. Since getting past the PK patrol we haven't seen anything other than rocks. I'm used to long voyages, but not in areas of space where there aren't even any other ships around. I've already cleaned and polished all my guns at least a dozen times, done enough maintenance on my bike to the point where it is just about space worthy, and gotten Iro up and running. And now I find out that we finally passed a rock with something on it and even picked someone up from it.

This is what I get for taking night watch. But that's not the important thing here, the important thing here is I found out Iro has been talking to the ship. I haven't been keeping Iro a secret, but I still don't know how I feel about them knowing about him. I do know that that ship's A.I. wouldn't have been able to translate what the teuthoid is saying without Iro's help though.

Teuthoids... maybe they still have records about their dealings with the old Azalfi empire from a few thousand years ago.

Fishing TripEdit

>Kay-2's Log
>Star Date: 92.1007 PCD

We'll be approaching the gas giant of Trafalmador shortly where we hope to drop off Blithip, a Teuthoid space cartographer we rescued two days ago. According to him, the planet has a number of moons, one of which is host to the processing facility at which he works. I know I said that we're hoping to drop him off there, I'd like to believe that's what will happen, but I know better than to expect that.

>Kay-2's Log supplementary

The unpredictable happening has gotten predictable. Although the Teuthoids we're grateful to see that Blithip is alive and unharmed, they don't have the proper forms there to process his interactions with an alien race. We watched Blithip walk back and forth from one counter to the next for a good ten minutes before breaking him out of the bureaucratic red tape prison he found himself in. So now Cookie has insisted that we take him deeper into Teuthoid space to find someone who can actually help him. But that's going to take a backseat for today since Cookie found out there were other inhabited moons around this planet. One moon in particular covered in a sea of liquid methane that's said to have all kinds of things swimming in it.

We're going on a fishing trip...


We came down tide side on a ship morning cycle, planet night cycle. Got to say it was a disorienting experience having all that pitch black, burning radiance, and more pitch black all juxtaposed over one another. We decided to ride the tide till day break, which luckily gave us time to set up the traps. Just so I don't forget this sight, I'll write it down. As we leveled into orbit, shutting off the reaction drives and switching back to Cannae+, the burn off the atmosphere lessened. Blue haze like Earth's skies. Blith*thip* was interested at that too, sharing a similar sky. Then the yellow hit. I've always wondered what looking at the sun would be like, never could for more than a second. Well now I know.

The blue gave way to a roiling mass of white and gold. It would drive you mad looking at it long enough. Thunderheads of orange assailed silver cities walled in the a wreath of goldenrod. Barely visible are islands of mountain peaks, the black reflections of lakes beneath. Whatever gods ruled here, the god of oceans had slane the sky god, usurped his throne, and brought his kingdom with him. Back to the reason we're here, once we got a few sky tethers going the grey lobsters practically caught themselves. Because they did. They're really stupid.


>๒lเ^קђ navigator trunk.

Translator no wait redo... replay?

>๒lเ^קђ navigator trunk

Translator please, that is an incorrect synonym in that language. Undo.

>๒lเ^קђ navigator

Translator restart.

>๒lเ^קђ Navigator journal. There.

We, the humans and I, reached the planet many hours ago. Rather than contact the authorities the humans chose to send a databurst of their credentials and get on with their trapping. Highly unorthodox. The incident has almost certainly been recorded. I must express my gratitude for rescue, but at the same time I suspect these mammals are not keen on adhering to social norms. Their ad hoc living arrangements, the incongruous ship shape, and ﻮlย๒ only knows if they are in a relationship by their standards. The captain did mention sh- HE would contact the local mining outpost and see about my safe return. That was several hours ago. He has been staring at the ship mounted tether since then. 'Fly fishing' he calls it. If one were to ask I would call it catatonic meditation.

ﻮlย๒ help me, I may never see pond again.


On the swamp moon of Trafalmador there live a great many lungfish, catfish, and dogfish like creatures. They call this mud ball home, despite all being accidental imports from similarly gassy ecosystems. Of all these giants there is one undisputed monarch of the marsh. The N'Quinke is the last large native of Trafalmador. Where others died out, this mother hubbard just got bigger and meaner. It's unique biology makes it immune to most poisons, making it defacto alpha predator in this cesspool of toxins. If it were not for fishing permits keeping the population down, it would go extinct within three generations, having eaten its invasive competitors. It has become too adaptable to survive. Carbon based lifeforms beware, though the fish is a delicacy, the atmosphere of Trafalmador is highly reactive to oxygen. Minor fractures can cascade into complete failure. Be sure to bring salt and garnish.


>Inva Raleadra's log
>Star Date: 92.1523 PCD

We've arrived on the outskirts of Teuthoid space. Their mining outpost lacks any detailed historical records, but Azalfis are listed as one of the species they've made prior contact with. I suppose that's a start and worth being onboard with this venture a while longer since the captain is intent on going deeper into this region.

>Inva's Log supplementary

We've been in orbit around this moon for hours now. The captain is intent on capturing more samples of the native fauna. I'm not sure why, it's not like we have a food shortage... and I don't think we can eat anything from this kind of environment either. It looks like the ship's AI is busy preparing a suitable holding container for anything he catches. I guess we're going to go down to the surface to do some "classic fishing".

>Inva's Log supplementary-2

I've been fishing before, I know what fishing is. This wasn't fishing, this was an escalating battle. At first it seemed like normal fishing, but then the natives showed up. They're the other reason why the mining outpost doesn't have any presence here. So at first it seemed like this was going to be us vs. them, but Cookie and Kay-2 are apparently trained for first contact encounters. Surprised the s'tar out of me that they actually have useful skills for once. From what they told me, only warriors are allowed to hunt the lakes. Yeah... we took that as a challenge... had to go retrieve a lake fruit...

Did I mention we were all wearing cumbersome environmental suits that all had an extra pair of arm sleeves? Because we were. Our descent into the lakes went by surprisingly without incident aside from being nearly blind. I only went along with this because I wanted to see how well the modification I'd made to this old harpoon gun would work. Once we got down to certain depths we started encountering... things. The small things weren't difficult to deal with, but once we entered the lake boss' territory, shock harpoons weren't good enough anymore. Not that it was much good before, seeing as it wouldn't shoot. It might was well have been a glorified cattle prod. Lucky for us the suits had a way to get us the shaznats out of there.

The monster, which I have since learned is called a N'Quinke by the locals, decided it wasn't done with us yet and chased us up. I'll give Cookie credit where credit is due, he had the ship's AI waiting for us up top and actually rocket netted the thing. What the hell kind of rockets work in this atmosphere and why wasn't I packing at least 6 of them? So we've got a big monster catch... yay... Cookie and Kay-2 went back down there alone and came back with three of those fruits afterwards so they could keep their catch.

I get the feeling this wasn't even the worst fishing trip they'd ever been on.


>Cookie's Log
>Star Date: 92.2301 PCD

The fishing trip didn't go as well as I expected. Only ONE monster fish! Can you believe that? I was expecting an entire school of monster fish. Well, anyway, my trap worked and now I have another interesting acquisition to show Aunt Springtime when we get back. Hopefully she'll be able to help me stabilize all of our specimens in comfortable temperatures since I'm hoping to bring this to mom's restaurant for the special catch menu. Right now it'd just evaporate if I took it out of the containment canister.

It looks like there are plenty of other interesting things in this region of space. Just a few detours here and there as we look for someone in this bureaucratic labyrinth who can actually help poor-... unfortunate Philly.


Let's do the Time Warp againEdit

"Hey (K-2)."
"Yeah?"
"I ever tell you I love you?"
"No, don't think you ever did."
"Ok, just making sure we're still in the same timeline."
"Yeah, I got that de-ja-vu too."
Bli*thip* walks up, wearing pants on his head.
"Miss Captain, how much longer must I wear the mask of shame?"
"Who told you to do that?"
"You did captain."
Shared stares, chrono-crisis alarm belatedly goes off.
"Ah hell, I'll whip up the chocolate milk."


"Hey (K-2)."
"Yeah?"
"I ever tell you I love you?"
"Yeah, just yesterday. Wanna do it in a hard suit this time? Pretty spacey for 'one person only'."
"Wait, what? Real funny."
"Oh no, you just told me you had deja vu-"
Bli*thip* walks up, wearing a pimp hat.
"Mister Captain, can I keep this forever?"
"(K-2) Hey tadpole, who gave you my best hat?"
"But that's MY hat..."
Shared stares, chrono-crisis alarm belatedly goes off.
"Ah hell, I'll whip up the chocolate milk."


"Hey (K-2)."
"Yeah?"
"I ever tel-"
Inva walks in, punches Cookie.
"I thought this was elaborate Earth joke, stop making chocolate milk and get us out of time loop or I shoot the frog. Again."
Bli*thip* walks up, wearing Cookies' hazard suit.
"She'll do it, she'll do it!"
"Ah hell, Pinaplus, when were you going to tell us?"
...
"We aren't in Kansas anymore. Positronic brains are partly immune to timeshifts. We must be phase shifting, or me and Inva are. Sorry to barge in on your realities... You never actually shot Bli*thip* did you?"
"The last five realities he was demon spawn. I thought I was being made a fool until I realized you mindwiped with your tree bean milk every jump."
"I'll go whip up some lemonade."

And that is a window into Pineapple Cake's endless buffet.

Beer NebulaEdit

>Cookie's Log
>Star Date: 95.1105 PCD

I've been looking over the star maps Philly gave us. The more I look at them, the more the established routes look like a physical labyrinth built to accommodate the metaphysical one. I think I might've found a shortcut through a nebula that'll shave a few weeks off the trip to the bureaucratic center of this maze. Ran it by PinaPlus, he said we'll be able to go through it without any issues. Looks like it's all collecting around a younger star. Also looks like it's full of space alcohol. A microbrewery on a cosmic scale, huh?


>Kay-2's Log
>Star Date: 95.1300 PCD

Cookie has set in a course change to go sample some of the natural wonders of the cosmos. That, or see if it's possible to get piss drunk on space beer. I'm expecting pirates, I don't know why, I just am.


>Bli*thip* Navigator Journal

The captain has informed me that he has laid in a new course for the central administration hub. While I appreciate his concern to expedite a resolution to my dilemma, this new course is most unwise. It is a place we have always been told to avoid as exposure to this nebula is well documented in causing madness in most organic life forms. This information did not serve to dissuade him in any way, only to assure me that they have encountered the substances in this nebula many times before. May bog protect me if any of us come into contact with the Ipota substance.

>Continues Journal Entry

These mammals must truly be crazed as not only are they deliberately collecting the ipota substance, but they are CONDENSING it! For what purpose could this serve eludes me, but the process seems to be one of routine for them. I must confess curiosity though, as I have never seen unprocessed ipota used in this manner other than an emergency combustible fuel source. As fuel it is highly inefficient, but this does not seem to be their intention.

>Additional Continuous Journal Entry

By the ponds, they are ingesting ipota! Both in liquidus form and as a flavor enhancement for solids!


>PinaPlus' log
>Star Date: 96.0900 PCD
>Standard protocol dictates that all crew members are to be closely monitored for up to 24 hours after ingestion of newly discovered substances.
>No physical anomalies detected after consuming alcohols collected from the Ipota Nebula.
>All mental processes are well within tolerance levels.
>One anomaly detected: Captain Cookie has set an extra place at the communal dining table.
>This anomaly has not gone unnoticed by security chief Kay-2 as well.
>Inhabitant observation journal
>Sub-routines to monitor occupant activities initialized
>Transcript from 96.0902 PCD:
Cookie: “Mornin’ guys, how’d you sleep?”
Inva: "The sleeping isn’t the... thing to be asking. It’s the waking. Don’t talk loudly.”
Bli*thip*: “You have ipota poisoning, show gratitude that you awoke at all.”
Kay-2: “She’s just hungover, I warned her about it. We didn’t know how well this new type of alcohol would mix with what we had, but you had to try a little of everything.”
Inva: “Just... quite…”
Cookie: “I’ll mix some ginger in your eggs and you’ll be feeling better in no time.”
Kay-2: “What about you, Cookie, are you feeling alright?”
Cookie: “Huh? Yeah, why?”
Kay-2: “It’s not like you to set an extra spot like that.”
Cookie: “Extra? Nah, this is for our guest.”
Kay-2: “Huh-wha-?”
Cookie: “This guy, right here! The spaghetti looking guy. Showed up out of nothing when I was getting the food out earlier, figured I’d set him a place too.”
1401141458375
[Unknown]: “Happy awakenings, all.”
Kay-2: “What the... PinaPlus! What’s going on?!”
Inva: “My head hurts too much this right now…”
Bli*thip*: “IPOTA MAN!”
PinaPlus: “Error identified, entity unknown, cannot be identified via conventional scans.”
Cookie: “Yeah, I don’t think our guest is made out of conventional matter.”
[Unknown]: “You would be correct in your assumption, young man, for I am Harold, a being filtered from the universal sauce. Some call me The Menu Finder, or Seeker of Flavors, but really I’m just a fan of the culinary arts you biological organisms are so prone to practicing.”
Cookie: “Ooooh, a cosmic being. So you’re like Whisper then?”
Harold: “Whom?”
Whisper: “Someone’s thinking about me? Way out here?”
Inva: “Glowing people appearing out of nothing… I want to just eat and go back to sleep.”
Cookie: “I’ll just... set another place at the table.”
>Observation journal halted, recalibrations to sensors required to accurately process current interactions.

>Kay-2’s log
>Star Date: 96.1210 PCD

I finally got PinaPlus’ sensors recalibrated in a way that’ll let him detect cosmic beings. He just has to focus on an area far enough around them and it won’t cause anymore errors. I’ve met cosmic beings before, but I wasn’t aware of just how many there are. Lesser Ones seem to be more common than most of us thought, even the ones we’ve known about for years don’t how just many of them there are. Inva and Bli*thip* are still trying to wrap their heads around all this. It can’t be easy seeing a glowing outline version of yourself materialize suddenly with just a word from Cookie. Though it’ll improve my mood once they’ve calmed down enough to stop thinking about it, at least Whisper being here and cooperative sped the recalibrations along. Meanwhile, Harold and Cookie seem to be quickly bonding in the kitchen.


>PinaPlus' log
>Star Date: 96.1230 PCD
>Transcript from 96.1230 PCD:
PinaPlus: "Sensors have been recalibrated to detect incorporeal beings. Guests recognized."
Cookie: "Just in time to continue lunch! Now that Pina's recording again, let's get this interview underway. This is Richard Cookie Tanner's documentation of first contact with Harold, a newly discovered Cosmic being."
Harold: "I'm hardly 'new.'"
Cookie: "Well, new to us. Joining me we have K-"
Inva: "Do either of you glowing people know anything about the old Azalfi Empire? It was big about 5,000 standard years ago."
Whisper: "I know as much about it as you or anyone else here does."
Harold: "I'd know more about it the closer my proximity to the space they inhabited becomes, so right now, not much."
Inva: "Tch. Damn."
Cookie: "Right, so that was Inva Raleadra, an Azalfi traveler who joined my crew back on the colony world. So like I was saying, I'm also here with K-"
Bli*thip*: “Ipota man! For what duration have you taken residence here?”
Harold: "Well, I helped put together the chemical composition of this nebula when it was forming, then I left for a few million years to let it ferment properly. I'd say a part of me has always been here."
Bli*thip*: "Mindfully?"
Harold: "I pop in whenever I have business in this galaxy. I can't really say how frequent that is."
Bli*thip*: "I will have to report this, it will require much paperwork. I am unaware of any standardized forms that cover these events."
Cookie: "We'll try and help you get out of that too while you're traveling with us. Right, so that was Philly-"
Kay-2: "Bli*thip*"
Cookie: "Right, Bli*thip*, a Teuthoid star mapper we are currently couriering home. And finally, I'm also here with the lovely K-"
Whisper: "I'm also present, the cosmic being you humans call Whisper. I know this won't record properly, but I'm quite excited to be here. It's a first time for me being 'on scene' when a race makes first contact with another Cosmic One, much less three races at the same time!"
Cookie: "Yep, that's certainly significant. So anyway-"
Kay-2: "Cookie, just ask him the question you want to ask already. PinaPlus has already registered everyone at the table."
Cookie: "Alrighty, so, Harold, how do you like the food?"
Harold: "Well, I'd be biased since I appreciate all foods, but this is quite exceptional as far as organic based foods go. Between all you've shown me in your kitchen and what Whisper has been sharing with me, I really must give your Earth another visit sometime. Of course I'll wait until after our little chat reaches them, it'd be rude to arrive unannounced when seeking a meal."
Cookie: "Oh, another? Do tell."
Harold: "Last time I had visited, humans had not evolved yet. That's one of the perks about being a cosmic being, you can go anywhere and everywhere and never get bored since by the time you re-visit someplace, it will be completely different."
Cookie: "Such exciting lives you live. Can you tell us a little bit more about this 'stellar' brewery of yours we're currently sampling from?"
Harold: "Oh there's not much to tell about this, some large beings wanted a nigh inexhaustible amount of drink. They died off long before they could finish all that I provided them with."
Cookie: "Fascinating."
Inva: "Were any of them blue?"
Harold: "Some were, but they were a lighter shade than you, and cold as ice. I mean that physically of course, they were quite hardy and jolly last I remembered them."
Kay-2: "Sounds familiar..."
Harold: "Another fun piece of trivia is that you're not the first visitors I've had while here. There have been ships flying through here on a semi-regular basis for a number of months. They never stop for a drink or a chat though. Might be automated."
Bli*thip*: "Truthfully? Is there evidence of this?"
Harold: "There should be some trails in the nebula. Maybe some residual energy signatures. I'm mostly leaving those sections alone to see if it will produce a new flavor."
Cookie: "Interesting! We'll have to have a look at those. PinaPlus, we'll resume this later. Whisper, would you mind relaying some of these events regarding Harold to your assistant?"
>Transcript ended.
>Energy scans commencing.

>Kay-2's log
>Star Date: 96.1800 PCD

PinaPlus finished the energy scans about an hour ago. Whatever has been taking this "shortcut" is definitely using a similar engine configuration to the ship that hit Bli*thip*'s. The energy scans confirm at least that much. It's a pretty safe bet that there are more of those stealth ships flying around this area, but we don't have time to wait around for one to pass through here again. Bli*thip* wants to get to his main "pond" faster than ever now that he has a number of new things to report on top of his already impressive stack of files. His species makes pretty good use of all four arms to filling all those forms out. I'll busy myself with setting up a detection method for these ships. That will probably also make Cookie happy since this is a "space mystery" and he's been itching for one of those to happen since before we even set out.


>Inva Raleadra's log
>Star Date: 97.1000 PCD

My head is finally feeling clearer today. Time to get some answers about all these glowing people.

>Transcript from 97.1011 PCD:
Kay-2: "Glowing people? Those were just /Co/smic Ones, they're beings of cosmic energy."
Inva: "Why did that thing look like me and sound like me?"
Kay-2: "That happens with everyone. Try not to think about it too much, I'm sure Whisper has better things to do than get dragged out here every time you think about it."
Cookie: "It's like magic, or at least easier to think about put that way."
Inva: "Even I know there's no such thing as magic. That's all just tricks and creative lies."
Cookie: "Oh yeah? Well how am I able to do this then?"
Cookie holds up a finger and a medium-small flame erupts from it.
Inva: "That's just a trick, I've seen better at street shows."
Kay-2: "It's no trick."
Inva: "I don't buy you humoring this."
Kay-2: "It's the same way I'm able to do this."
Kay-2 holds out her thumb and pointer finger, an electrical current jumps between them like a taser
Inva: "What?! How?! Humans don't have the organs to do that. Explain."
Cookie & Kay-2: "Magic."
Inva: "Explain more."
Kay-2: "We both went through Justice /co/mrade training, magic was covered in the courses."
Cookie: "Though neither of us pursued it past the basic principles, so this is the most we're able to pull off with it. It's nice being able to start cooking fires like this and all, but a match is just as easy."
Kay-2: "And I just wanted to make sure my powersuit's battery would never die while I'm wearing it."
Inva: "Magic, powersuits, I've never seen or heard of you having either until now."
Cookie: "You never asked."
>Transcript ended
>Inva's Log supplementary

That answered no questions and brought up many more. I'll see if Iro knows anything about it.

>Transcript from 97.1043 PCD:
Iro: "Magic and cosmic beings? Are you traveling with superstitious races again?"
Inva: "Humor me Iro, none of the things I've seen over the past day have made any sense."
Iro: "I have nothing of the latter in my memory banks, but there are a great deal many myths and legends about magic which date back to before the space age."
Inva: "What about a being called 'Whisper'?"
Whisper pops into existence
Whisper: "Well hello again. Just can't get me off your mind, can you? I get that a lot."
Inva: "IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN!"
Iro: "In-va-a, calm down, wha-t's ha-appening? Something is inter-fering with my sensors."
Inva: "It's here again, the cosmic being."
Whisper: "Oh, a photonic form with a digitized mind. Just turn him around so he's not looking at me and he should stabilize."
Inva: "What are you?"
Whisper: "A thought."
Inva: "What's magic?"
Whisper: "Not my area of expertise, I'm mainly psychic orientated. Though I can tell you do have some magical potential."
Inva: "Huh?"
Whisper: "Next time you're on Earth, look up those 'elves' you heard about. They'll have some answers for you. That's about the most useful thing I can tell you and I must be going now, things back on Earth need my attention. Nice meeting you again. Bye."
Inva: "Iro, what was that?"
Iro: "I'm... not entirely sure, but this just confirms my suspicions that there's always been far more to discover in the galaxy than my superiors back in the day could imagine."
>Transcript ended.

>Cookie's log
>Star Date: 99.1300 PCD

We'll be reaching the edge of this nebula soon. The past few days have been a real treat thanks to Harold. He's been in high spirits (ha!) showing off all his brewing projects. Whisper has been popping in every so often too since Inva and Philly can't stop thinking about him. Well, at least that's given him plenty of time to get to know Harold. But we've got a mystery on our hands now with a clue to follow and a passenger who has renewed purpose... I think. So once we exit the nebula, there's supposed to be an inhabited system not too far away. Philly should be able to fill out whatever forms he needs to fill out there and be a free fish again. I'm hoping to find some new interesting things while there as well.

WigaEdit

>Kay-2's Log
>Star Date: 99.2000 PCD

We'll be approaching a teuthoid colony world within the next day. According to ancient galactic travel laws for this region, any crews consisting of four or more individuals are required to pose upon landing on an inhabited world for the first time. While I'm sure Cookie would be more than happy to make silly poses, in fact I'm positive he'd already be practicing right now if I told him this, I've found that the formality is dropped if you land in an established space port. Which is good since I don't think we're a well enough coordinated crew to pull off any group poses yet.


>PinaPlus' log
>Star Date: 100.0910 PCD
>Supplementary information: Planet Wiga
>Gravity: 5.87 m/s2 (0.60 x earth)
>Rotation: 17.22 hours
>Surface water: 82%
>Surface ice: 22%
>Atmospheric composition: 71.6% nitrogen, 28.4% water vapor, trace other gases
>Population: Approximately 2,700,000
>An outlying colony world of the Teuthoid species.
>The planet itself is still undergoing the Teuthoid terraforming equivalent.
>It is primarily used as a check point/rest stop for outlying exploratory and resource gathering personnel.
>The most heavily populated areas are the inland lakes/seas for their water purity and ease of environment maintenance.

>Cookie's Log
>Star Date: 100.1313 PCD

It's been 100 days already. I'd celebrate, but there's too much going on right now. We're finally at this colony world Philly is hoping will have the proper offices on to resolve his legal loophole. I guess he sent ahead that we'd be coming from the mining base since we're expected. That's nice. I didn't want to have to get into any dogfights today anyway.

But now to get to the important parts. I've been able to wonder around for a while on my own now while Philly is busy with his forms. I think Kay-2 and Inva wanted to check up on some records at that office too. History is nice, but I'm more interested in the current culture. It looks like this place is big on pets. I'm seeing a lot of little creatures of all kinds hanging around these teuthoids, and these aren't just any old pets, I've picked up that these are genetically engineered designer pets. Kind of extreme for a fashion statement if you ask me, but whatever works for them.

Since they have genetically engineered pets, I'll assume their meat is also engineered at some level, and boy is there are lot of meat for sale around here. It seems these guys mostly eat meat if they have the option. Lots of seasonings too, so maybe those have the additional nutritional value missing from just meat. There are little ships with shops everywhere selling all kinds of things other than meat. This is a pretty marshy settlement, I haven't seen the rest of the planet up close, but it looked wet. It looks like most of the market is mobile.

According to teuthoid law, everyone can get two free meals a day here, anymore than that and that's where their economy kicks in. But enough log recording, time to barter. I have some overspice with me and I want to see what how much of these new ingredients I can get trading it.


>Kay-2's Log
>Star Date: 100.1329 PCD

I had decided to accompany Bli*thip* to this world's branch office of First Contact and Property Transfers. I was not prepared for just how complicated Bli*thip*'s situation has become. Meeting Harold seems to be what has made this minor legal issue into one of much greater importance, too much importance for them to handle here. We'll need to go even deeper into teuthoid space to get to the main office, or at least one with higher authority.

The stealth ship's trail we've been following also did not go unnoticed by the local officials, so they'll be sending out more patrol ships to find any other secret dealings happening around here.

Whatever Cookie has gotten up to is bound to be more fun than this. He better be doing more than just ingredient hunting out there.


>Inva Raleadra's log
>Star Date: 100.1340 PCD

I'm currently on a planet named Wiga right on the outskirts of teuthoid space. I've gained access to their public records and have actually uncovered a mention to the Azalfi empire. Unfortunately the records here are incomplete and only have files relevant to the colony as their planet-to-planet communication system is still being set up here. Right now it's nothing more than a footnote to a trade agreement, but this alludes to a prior military agreement between the powers at the time. It looks like my current ride plans to go deeper into teuthoid space, so I'll stick with them for a while longer.


>Cookie's Log supplementary

The overspice is getting more attention than I anticipated, a LOT more attention. They really love this stuff and it's making its rounds on their media networks. I honestly do not have enough on hand to meet this level of demand and have already gotten samples, cloning methods, genetic engineering blueprints, and countless local recipes in exchange for the samples I brought with me.

I've already promised to introduce a merchant/trade guild-like establishment to the Astarvorans after we're done in teuthoid space and head back out, so now they're busy expediting all the forms they need to fill out for that. At least their bureaucracy took some of the heat off me, enough to enjoy the look on Kay-2's face when she saw my recent celebrity status on the planetary news feeds.

I'm somewhat shocked that a new type of spice is bigger news to these people than finding out there's a Cosmic Being not too far off from their planet.

Ghost ShipEdit

>Cookie's Log
>Star Date: 102.1000 PCD

It's been two days since we left Wiga and we've finally found the source of the stealth ship we've been tracking. From the looks of the initial scans, I'd say it's either abandoned or everyone on board is dead. The whole ship looks like it's made of spheres that have been melted together with a series of tubes connecting some of them. Since there's only atmosphere in some places inside of it, my best guess is it isn't supposed to look like this. It either exploded, or melted, or something came along and took some large chunks out of it seeing how irregular the shape is. I'm aiming to find out which. Full armor, no chances, my trap sense isn't tingling, but I know how these stories often go down.


>Kay-2's Log
>Star Date: 102.1007 PCD

So this is the mother ship we've been looking for? Cookie's acting serious... that's never good news since he's usually right about these things. This ship doesn't match up with any of the known teuthoid models or any other species native to this region of space. Cookie is dead set on going in there; teuthoid law on this is spotty, but we can go in there if it's a mercy mission. I don't think anything is still alive in there, but you never know what counts as 'alive' out here. In about 16 hours this place is going to be swarming with teuthoid law ships since we let them know about our progress since leaving Wiga. Cookie and I are going in, I think Inva might come too if she can get her suit working. Bli*thip* is staying on The Pineapple Cake since he doesn't have a suit. We'll maintain regular contact.


>Cookie's Log supplementary

Upon entering the alien structure we've immediately noticed some very large metallic looking cables or wires strewn about. What's interesting is they don't seem to be connected to anything, nor do they appear to have been removed from any of the structures still here. There are no currents passing through them to indicate that they are still live. It's unlikely they were torn from a separate ship given how far inside of the structure they are. Another potentially worrying thing I've noticed is the interior seems to be larger than the exterior would have us believe. It's not significantly larger, but enough that you begin to see it if you stare at it enough.

We seem to have discovered a sort've bio-dome. The gravity here is still on, it feels as if it's more than normal Earth gravity. The atmosphere here is breathable, but I'm keeping my helmet on. It looks like parts of the walls have been melted through by some kind of acid. There appears to be something resembling a science bay adjacent to it.

From a glance, I'd say they were making monsters here. Monsters that look like a fusion of sci-fi B-movie monsters. All but one of these tubes have been shattered, the only monster specimen still here is frozen solid in its tube. These could be the owners of the ship, but everything points to them being something engineered by whoever or whatever was here. The frozen monster doesn't seem to have legs, it's more like a lamia if lamias had two extra scythe arms, spikes, and mandibles. It's also about the size of an average person. I'd rather not chance somehow turning the power back on in this room in the very possible chance that the monster we see isn't dead. Though we will have to come back for this. If worse comes to worse, I'll cook it and eat it if I have to.

"Kay, have a look at this."
"Yeah- What the hell?"
"It's like a made for TV sci-fi movie monster, right?"
"Maybe. This ice doesn't look right to me. It's too clear. What is it frozen in?"
"Well we might get some hints over there since that looks like a kitchen."
"Familiar territory, huh?"
"Oh don't tell me you're not loving this. I know all about your thing for cheesy horror movies."
"I'll turn it into an action movie if that's the way this wants to play out."
"We'd better check up on Inva then, the ones who go off on their own always end up caught first."

>Inva Raleadra's log
>Star Date: 102.1132 PCD

The crew I am currently traveling with has entered a ship of unknown design or origin. The only thing we know about it is that it contains or contained ships with cloaking devices. I have decided to follow them in after getting this PK armor working and selecting a weapon which makes me feel properly prepared.

Upon entering the ship I'm already noticing spacial distortions. Ships that manipulate reality in this way are very rarely stable, I doubt it could take much direct damage if it were ever involved in an actual battle. The ship does not appear to have interface junctions of any recognizable configuration, I'd guess the occupants were not humanoid or were possibly telepaths. Based on the claw marks in the metal plating, it appears they were transporting dangerous game of some sort. This ship is too elaborate to belong to poachers, they've always gravitated towards more straightforward designs in my experience. Whatever was in here, it looks like they were keeping it in a controlled environment until it found a way out and damaged one of the reality stabilizers causing the blow out. They were probably doing something that would get them arrested in most areas of "civilized" space anyway.

It seems I've already caught up with them.


Inva sees the queen,

Inva: "By Aseratch, purge it now before it kills us all!" while leveling her heavy gun at it.

Cookie calmly walks into her line of fire, retracting the parts of his armor that cover his face.

Kay-2: "Cookie!"
Cookie: "It's fine."
Inva: "Get out of the way! I can shoot right through your armor and still kill that thing if I have to."
Cookie: "Inva, I don't know what this thing is, but you clearly do. I cannot, in good conscience, let you kill it, not until you tell me what this is at least."

Inva hesitates, thinking for a moment if this is the smart thing to do, until, with her gun still pointed at Cookie,

Inva: "It's a cruixir, a queen cruixir. Hive-minded devourers, they pick planets clean. The only effective way the old Azalfi Empire had of combating them was orbital bombardment. I thought they'd been wiped out."
Cookie: "And yet you clearly recognize it and react with appropriate fear. Why is that?"
Inva: "That's because I'm...! Because I'm an archaeologist!"
Kay-2: "What?" getting herself a tense glance from Cookie
Cookie: "You said these things are hive-minded. That means they share information telepathically, right? Would it stand to reason that they pass down memories from one generation to the next, sort've like genetic memory?"
Inva: "What are you getting at?"
Cookie: "I want to interrogate this cruixir to find out what happened here and whatever else it might tell us about this ship and who owned it."
Inva: "They don't talk."
Cookie: "I know someone who can make it talk."

Inva remains silent for a moment, deep in thought, before slowly lowering her weapon

Inva: "Alright, but keep that thing in an airlock. It was never possible to keep even one of them contained for long." before walking out of the room.
Kay-2: "What the hell were you thinking?!"
Cookie: "I had every confidence she wouldn't shoot me."
Kay-2: "Well what if she did?"
Cookie: "I had every confidence you would've stopped her before she pulled the trigger."
...
Cookie: "Yeah, an archaeologist? I'm surprised too."

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